I am happy to announce that within the past month, I have rededicated my life to the Lord. It's true. I'm a new person. I thought about deleting out my old blog posts because they reflect a person I never want to be, and I'm embarrassed of the way that I was. However, I decided to keep them to show the true turnaround in my life.
In the last few months, I have been through some really hard times. As a result, I'm going through a divorce again. I've started attending the Christian University classes on Finance at Charlestown Independent Church on Wednesday nights. Now that I will have a truck payment and mortgage to pay all by myself, I need to make sure that I am spending and saving money wisely and ensure that my kids are taken care of.
Last Sunday at church, Jessie, Beth and I sang "Through the Fire". I've never been touched so greatly by a song as when I first heard that one. I was incredibly nervous, and it is a testimony in itself that I didn't pass out when I stood before the congregation. I think we did okay, and I know that people were touched by the message in the song. The CIC Chicks are busy looking for their next collaboration, and I think that we may have found it. I would tell you what it is, but then it would ruin the surprise. I guess you'll just have to be at church that Sunday to hear it.
I want to thank my grandma, mom, Jessie, Beth, and the countless others that have been praying for me over the last few years. I'm glad to be back. ;)
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Happy Fathers Day!!!
It's Fathers Day everyone! Such a wonderful day. It makes me think about my father/s, and I want to spend a couple of minutes talking about each of them...
Roger - My Biological Father:
My mom got pregnant with me at a young age by a man several years older than her. I was a mistake. While I grew up knowing that I was adopted, it wasn't something that was ever discussed. When I was 19 or so I decided I wanted to meet Roger. The meeting was a little awkward. I mean, what do you say to your "real Dad" who never was in your life? After getting to know him and my two half-brothers, it still felt weird. I needed everyone on that side of the family to realize that I will never call Roger my dad. He wasn't there for me when I fell down and hurt myself, or when I was sad or happy, or anything. He was a nice guy that seemed like he had lived a hard life. I realized after meeting him how different my life would have been had he raised me. He has a completely different set of standards and view of life than my dad did, and I wouldn't have turned out to be the same person if he had really been my dad. I was appreciative to him for giving me life. I was glad that he didn't try to talk my mom into having an abortion. I was also glad for him staying away and not making me confused growing up. I hope the best for him and his family. But, he will always be Roger to me.
Steve - My Dad:
As an adult, I look back on what my Dad did when he adopted me at 2, and realize how tough that must have been. I wasn't his child, but he loved me like I was. Dad always instilled the need to be fair and balanced, and that the devil was in the details. I turned out to be just as stubborn and hard-headed as he is, and he made me the professional go-getter that I am. I owe alot to him, but I can't help but hold onto some hostility for the way that he treated my mom. He isn't a huge woman-fan. I don't speak to him anymore, and haven't seen him in years. It's unfortunate that the kids don't have a grandpa, but they have plenty of grandmas to go around. I do love my Dad, and hope he is doing well.
Dave - My Ex-Stepdad:
I wasn't a huge Dave fan, but he was a nice guy. He was willing to help everyone, and the kids loved him. I was relieved when Mom finally split up from him, because I thought she deserved better. I hope that Dave finds someone who will make him happy, as long as it isn't my mother.
Scott - My Mom's Boyfriend:
I like Scott. Scott is very sweet and very good to my mom. He works hard, he has good, strong morals, and he isn't a taker. I would welcome him to be my next Dad. It is kind of weird that he is the same age as my husband. I have a feeling that if he and my mom were to get married, I would see him more as a friend rather than a parent figure. I'm okay with that. Landon loves him. That makes me feel good too.
Rob - My Baby Daddy:
Robbie is a good Dad. I'm glad that I've given the kids a wonderful father figure. He is sensitive with Lauren in addition to being ultra-protective, and he snuggles with Landon, even when he is being very bad. He is wonderful to Gary and Amber (his other kids), and I love him for the way he parents. I'm hard on him to be a positive influence in the kids' lives, but I know that he does great on his own without my help. I think because his parents died when he was young, he has always wanted to have a big, happy family. He's got it! It's a circus around here with all the kids running around, but Rob takes it in stride. I love him more and more each day. I'm looking forward to the day when Lauren's first boyfriend comes over to take her out on a date. I sure wouldn't want to be that guy! Rob is going to scare the pants off of all of Lauren's dates, for sure!!!
Lawrence - My Grandpa Haymaker:
Grandpa is a good man. He's strong and good. Grandma and he are in love like a couple of teenagers. It's kind of gross, actually. In a sweet way, of course. Grandma tells the story about Brother Jones giving a sermon on "taking from the church" at Main Cross. Mike Doss dressed up like a burglar with a mask on to run into the church and pretend to rob it of the money in the offering plates. The other ushers had to hold Grandpa back from tackling the robber. It makes me so proud to have a fearless Grandpa who isn't afraid of anyone or anything. I love him, and I love having him for a Grandpa!
I've had a blessed life, and I am appreciative of everyone who has shaped me into the person I am today. Happy Fathers Day to you and yours!
-CGZ ;)
Roger - My Biological Father:
My mom got pregnant with me at a young age by a man several years older than her. I was a mistake. While I grew up knowing that I was adopted, it wasn't something that was ever discussed. When I was 19 or so I decided I wanted to meet Roger. The meeting was a little awkward. I mean, what do you say to your "real Dad" who never was in your life? After getting to know him and my two half-brothers, it still felt weird. I needed everyone on that side of the family to realize that I will never call Roger my dad. He wasn't there for me when I fell down and hurt myself, or when I was sad or happy, or anything. He was a nice guy that seemed like he had lived a hard life. I realized after meeting him how different my life would have been had he raised me. He has a completely different set of standards and view of life than my dad did, and I wouldn't have turned out to be the same person if he had really been my dad. I was appreciative to him for giving me life. I was glad that he didn't try to talk my mom into having an abortion. I was also glad for him staying away and not making me confused growing up. I hope the best for him and his family. But, he will always be Roger to me.
Steve - My Dad:
As an adult, I look back on what my Dad did when he adopted me at 2, and realize how tough that must have been. I wasn't his child, but he loved me like I was. Dad always instilled the need to be fair and balanced, and that the devil was in the details. I turned out to be just as stubborn and hard-headed as he is, and he made me the professional go-getter that I am. I owe alot to him, but I can't help but hold onto some hostility for the way that he treated my mom. He isn't a huge woman-fan. I don't speak to him anymore, and haven't seen him in years. It's unfortunate that the kids don't have a grandpa, but they have plenty of grandmas to go around. I do love my Dad, and hope he is doing well.
Dave - My Ex-Stepdad:
I wasn't a huge Dave fan, but he was a nice guy. He was willing to help everyone, and the kids loved him. I was relieved when Mom finally split up from him, because I thought she deserved better. I hope that Dave finds someone who will make him happy, as long as it isn't my mother.
Scott - My Mom's Boyfriend:
I like Scott. Scott is very sweet and very good to my mom. He works hard, he has good, strong morals, and he isn't a taker. I would welcome him to be my next Dad. It is kind of weird that he is the same age as my husband. I have a feeling that if he and my mom were to get married, I would see him more as a friend rather than a parent figure. I'm okay with that. Landon loves him. That makes me feel good too.
Rob - My Baby Daddy:
Robbie is a good Dad. I'm glad that I've given the kids a wonderful father figure. He is sensitive with Lauren in addition to being ultra-protective, and he snuggles with Landon, even when he is being very bad. He is wonderful to Gary and Amber (his other kids), and I love him for the way he parents. I'm hard on him to be a positive influence in the kids' lives, but I know that he does great on his own without my help. I think because his parents died when he was young, he has always wanted to have a big, happy family. He's got it! It's a circus around here with all the kids running around, but Rob takes it in stride. I love him more and more each day. I'm looking forward to the day when Lauren's first boyfriend comes over to take her out on a date. I sure wouldn't want to be that guy! Rob is going to scare the pants off of all of Lauren's dates, for sure!!!
Lawrence - My Grandpa Haymaker:
Grandpa is a good man. He's strong and good. Grandma and he are in love like a couple of teenagers. It's kind of gross, actually. In a sweet way, of course. Grandma tells the story about Brother Jones giving a sermon on "taking from the church" at Main Cross. Mike Doss dressed up like a burglar with a mask on to run into the church and pretend to rob it of the money in the offering plates. The other ushers had to hold Grandpa back from tackling the robber. It makes me so proud to have a fearless Grandpa who isn't afraid of anyone or anything. I love him, and I love having him for a Grandpa!
I've had a blessed life, and I am appreciative of everyone who has shaped me into the person I am today. Happy Fathers Day to you and yours!
-CGZ ;)
Monday, May 14, 2007
After the Long Wait...Updates~Finally!!!
Okay, so maybe blogging isn't my thing. Over the last few months lots of things changed...
I got married. Well, I guess I always was married. But, I renewed my relationship with Mr. Gaines. After all of the struggles with the lawyers over finalizing the property, I asked him if he would go out with me. After keeping me waiting a while, he reluctantly agreed to have "movie night" with me. We decided to get back together, and then he dumped his girlfriend. HA! She never had a chance with me in the picture.
Rob and I both changed in our time apart, and I think that we both realized that we actually want to be together. For a long time, it seemed like we didn't have a choice and were stuck with each other.
For the last few months, Rob and I have been moving my stuff from my apartment to our house. Sometimes I take my lunch break and pack some stuff or we'll move stuff over the weekends. There isn't too many things left at this point, and I think we'll be able to finish up next weekend.
I got picked to go on a cruise with work to Key West and Cozumel Mexico. Rob and I head out at the end of this month. It's like our second honeymoon. Aren't we just the sweetest. I bought a few new sundresses and (of course) a couple of new tube tops. I can't wait!!!
Jessie needs a date. I'm on a mission to find some single hottie to hook her up with. Beth says that she doesn't need to date missionary style. I was a little confused by that statement, but apparently it means that she should date someone who is already a Christian instead of someone not saved. I think it sounds dirty. Boring, but dirty.
Lauren and Landon are getting so big. Rob buzzed Landon's hair, and now he looks like a big boy. Lauren is going through a clumsy stage, and with all of the cuts and bruises that she currently has, I'm afraid they are going to think I beat her. But, if you know how I am with Lauren, she will never get a spanking from anyone. Landon, on the other hand, is a wild man. He's always yanking out handfuls of Lauren's hair and smacking/kicking her. His favorite word is "NO", and he is the most stubborn child I've ever encountered.
Okay, so there's my random thoughts at the moment. A current snapshot of what is going on around me is...Rob is running through the house teasing Landon by taking his popscicle, and Landon is screaming "NO!". Landon is now throwing his paci on the group, beating his chest, and yelling "MINE". My goodness, he's a handful. Lauren in laying on my lap, and singing a song from Barbie's Princess and the Pauper. Gary is playing XBox and just trying to get some alone time away from the other two kids. I'm typing this blog instead of catching up on work e-mails feeling guilty about slacking. Just another normal evening in the Gaines' household. Now, I should probably jump off of here and go play kissy face with my new husband. Or my old husband. Or whatever. I gotta go make up for lost time. ;)
I got married. Well, I guess I always was married. But, I renewed my relationship with Mr. Gaines. After all of the struggles with the lawyers over finalizing the property, I asked him if he would go out with me. After keeping me waiting a while, he reluctantly agreed to have "movie night" with me. We decided to get back together, and then he dumped his girlfriend. HA! She never had a chance with me in the picture.
Rob and I both changed in our time apart, and I think that we both realized that we actually want to be together. For a long time, it seemed like we didn't have a choice and were stuck with each other.
For the last few months, Rob and I have been moving my stuff from my apartment to our house. Sometimes I take my lunch break and pack some stuff or we'll move stuff over the weekends. There isn't too many things left at this point, and I think we'll be able to finish up next weekend.
I got picked to go on a cruise with work to Key West and Cozumel Mexico. Rob and I head out at the end of this month. It's like our second honeymoon. Aren't we just the sweetest. I bought a few new sundresses and (of course) a couple of new tube tops. I can't wait!!!
Jessie needs a date. I'm on a mission to find some single hottie to hook her up with. Beth says that she doesn't need to date missionary style. I was a little confused by that statement, but apparently it means that she should date someone who is already a Christian instead of someone not saved. I think it sounds dirty. Boring, but dirty.
Lauren and Landon are getting so big. Rob buzzed Landon's hair, and now he looks like a big boy. Lauren is going through a clumsy stage, and with all of the cuts and bruises that she currently has, I'm afraid they are going to think I beat her. But, if you know how I am with Lauren, she will never get a spanking from anyone. Landon, on the other hand, is a wild man. He's always yanking out handfuls of Lauren's hair and smacking/kicking her. His favorite word is "NO", and he is the most stubborn child I've ever encountered.
Okay, so there's my random thoughts at the moment. A current snapshot of what is going on around me is...Rob is running through the house teasing Landon by taking his popscicle, and Landon is screaming "NO!". Landon is now throwing his paci on the group, beating his chest, and yelling "MINE". My goodness, he's a handful. Lauren in laying on my lap, and singing a song from Barbie's Princess and the Pauper. Gary is playing XBox and just trying to get some alone time away from the other two kids. I'm typing this blog instead of catching up on work e-mails feeling guilty about slacking. Just another normal evening in the Gaines' household. Now, I should probably jump off of here and go play kissy face with my new husband. Or my old husband. Or whatever. I gotta go make up for lost time. ;)
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Cara in da house!
Sorry for the long delay in posts. Quite a bit has changed in the last few weeks. Here's the quick run down...
George was mad at me. Now she's not.
Mom won a trip to Hawaii and took my Grandma Dee instead of me. I still love them both even though I was dissed.
We had a few changes in the Training Team, but as of March 1st, we will be fully staffed for 2007.
And the latest, most exciting news...
After almost a year of separation from Rob, I think we have finally decided on a Property Settlement Agreement. Woo-Hoo! I'll be moving back into my house within the next 2 months. I'm planning on staying there for many, many years! How exciting! I cannot wait to have my house back. Please carve out some time in your schedule in early May to help me move out of the apartment and into the Hizouse! I'm specifically looking for big strong men that don't mind breaking a sweat. ;)
George was mad at me. Now she's not.
Mom won a trip to Hawaii and took my Grandma Dee instead of me. I still love them both even though I was dissed.
We had a few changes in the Training Team, but as of March 1st, we will be fully staffed for 2007.
And the latest, most exciting news...
After almost a year of separation from Rob, I think we have finally decided on a Property Settlement Agreement. Woo-Hoo! I'll be moving back into my house within the next 2 months. I'm planning on staying there for many, many years! How exciting! I cannot wait to have my house back. Please carve out some time in your schedule in early May to help me move out of the apartment and into the Hizouse! I'm specifically looking for big strong men that don't mind breaking a sweat. ;)
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
"Sharing" The Gospel
I accidentally stumbled upon a Christian TV channel one evening where I was introduced to a seemingly sincere and humble group of singers called "The Crabb Family". I was blown away by the emotion and soul that comes across in their voices, but only caught the very end of their last song performed. Not being much of Christian music fan, I decided to do a little research on the group to see what their bigger hits were in order to download them to listen to the complete songs. I found that some of their earlier music is a little too hard-core bluegrass and wasn't really up my alley. However, some of their newer stuff was really appealing. I downloaded some tunes, burned a CD, and listened to it in my car, at work, and at home. I was slowly turning into a huge Crabb Family fanatic!
Last night, I was checking out their website www.thecrabbfamily.com, and I somehow stumbled onto an older article with a quote from Jason Crabb regarding a Supreme Court ruling that upheld the unlawfulness of piracy and downloading/sharing music files. Jason says "I commend the Supreme Court on their stand to protect individuals who draw their income from the music and film industry with today's ruling. I pray the world takes time to educate themselves on the subject of 'file sharing' and the depth of its effect on the world of music. Most people think when they 'file share' it only takes the standard $15 out of the Crabb Family's pocket, but they don't think about my father, who mainly writes our songs, our mother, our wives, our husbands, our children, the dedicated friends who run our office, our bus driver, and so on. This is our life, as well as our livelihood." (Article can be found at http://christianmusic.about.com/od/musicnews/a/aagmasupreme.htm)
At first, I was really ashamed of downloading their music based on his "sob story", but then as I got to thinking, my mindset changed. First, I admit to downloading their music, however, this sin resulted in several album sales for them by me. The year I discovered The Crabb Family, I went out and bought three of their CDs, and gave them to my mother and grandmother for Christmas. I wanted to turn more people onto this group, and increase their fan base. (Yes, I know I am the greatest fan anyone could have.)
Secondly, I can't believe that folks like Jason Crabb and Steven Curtis Chapman are throwing their two cents worth in on supporting piracy laws. The institution of God has created an ultra comfortable lifestyle for many artists and evangelists. I would presume that if an individual feels a calling from the Lord to enter the ministry full-time, they aren't exactly seeing dollar signs. I know alot of full time preachers that make ends meet, but don't have the financial luxury to live extravagantly. Money doesn't always accompany a life dedicated to "sharing the gospel". That's the way it goes. It's not fair, but it's life. And like I love to say, "Sometimes life just isn't fair."
If the goal of people in the ministry is to share the gospel, then they should do just that. "Share" the gospel. If file sharing software like LimeWire and Napster are helping you reach people that you wouldn't normally reach from inside of a church, I would think this would be a good thing. Actually, it's a great thing. If a non-Christian isn't watching TBN or shopping at the Christian bookstore, maybe downloading a Christian song is just the thing to aid someone in turning their heart toward the Lord.
My last point is that most non-believers aren't going to spend their precious spread-thin money on a CD of Christian music when they aren't sure what they are getting. I would think that people that dedicate their lives to the ministry of doing God's work would want to openly spread the good news, not charge admission to hear it. Mark 16:15 (KJV) says: "And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature." If music is a way to minister to every creature, why do the artists care if they get paid to do so. Wouldn't it make more sense to follow the Lord's command for your life, and trust in Him fully that he will provide what you need? Sometimes what we need isn't always what we want.
Perfect example is that I (the bad, despicable Christian music pirate) found a concert that the Crabb Family is doing in Louisville on March 16th, and in turn, told all of my friends, family, and coworkers about. So far, we've got around 10 people going, and by the time March rolls around, we will have many, many more. Chances are that the folks that attend the concert (based on me "sharing" the news of the performance) will be compelled to donate in a "love offering" to the Crabb Family, and will more than likely give much more than that $15 CD would yield in profits.
You never know, I might even buy a CD after the March 16th concert. Or I might just continue rocking my pirated CD, knowing that in my heart, I did not download the music with an intent to hurt any member of the Crabb Family, nor their father, mother, wives, husbands, friends, and tour bus driver.
Is this lawsuit really simply a ruling that this country will penalize someone for wanting to hear a song for free? Is today's file sharing any different than taping a song off of the radio on an 80s boom box? Don't Christians complain that the government is taking God out of our country by removing the 10 Commandments from courthouses and outlawing prayer in schools? In my opinion, Christians that don't want people downloading their music are aiding this country in silencing the believers. People, wake up. Sharing the gospel shouldn't come with a cost associated.
(This blog is copyrighted and protected under the blog piracy ruling. Copying or sharing of this post will result in fines and/or prison time.) Just kidding...I had to throw that in there. Live and love, friends!
Last night, I was checking out their website www.thecrabbfamily.com, and I somehow stumbled onto an older article with a quote from Jason Crabb regarding a Supreme Court ruling that upheld the unlawfulness of piracy and downloading/sharing music files. Jason says "I commend the Supreme Court on their stand to protect individuals who draw their income from the music and film industry with today's ruling. I pray the world takes time to educate themselves on the subject of 'file sharing' and the depth of its effect on the world of music. Most people think when they 'file share' it only takes the standard $15 out of the Crabb Family's pocket, but they don't think about my father, who mainly writes our songs, our mother, our wives, our husbands, our children, the dedicated friends who run our office, our bus driver, and so on. This is our life, as well as our livelihood." (Article can be found at http://christianmusic.about.com/od/musicnews/a/aagmasupreme.htm)
At first, I was really ashamed of downloading their music based on his "sob story", but then as I got to thinking, my mindset changed. First, I admit to downloading their music, however, this sin resulted in several album sales for them by me. The year I discovered The Crabb Family, I went out and bought three of their CDs, and gave them to my mother and grandmother for Christmas. I wanted to turn more people onto this group, and increase their fan base. (Yes, I know I am the greatest fan anyone could have.)
Secondly, I can't believe that folks like Jason Crabb and Steven Curtis Chapman are throwing their two cents worth in on supporting piracy laws. The institution of God has created an ultra comfortable lifestyle for many artists and evangelists. I would presume that if an individual feels a calling from the Lord to enter the ministry full-time, they aren't exactly seeing dollar signs. I know alot of full time preachers that make ends meet, but don't have the financial luxury to live extravagantly. Money doesn't always accompany a life dedicated to "sharing the gospel". That's the way it goes. It's not fair, but it's life. And like I love to say, "Sometimes life just isn't fair."
If the goal of people in the ministry is to share the gospel, then they should do just that. "Share" the gospel. If file sharing software like LimeWire and Napster are helping you reach people that you wouldn't normally reach from inside of a church, I would think this would be a good thing. Actually, it's a great thing. If a non-Christian isn't watching TBN or shopping at the Christian bookstore, maybe downloading a Christian song is just the thing to aid someone in turning their heart toward the Lord.
My last point is that most non-believers aren't going to spend their precious spread-thin money on a CD of Christian music when they aren't sure what they are getting. I would think that people that dedicate their lives to the ministry of doing God's work would want to openly spread the good news, not charge admission to hear it. Mark 16:15 (KJV) says: "And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature." If music is a way to minister to every creature, why do the artists care if they get paid to do so. Wouldn't it make more sense to follow the Lord's command for your life, and trust in Him fully that he will provide what you need? Sometimes what we need isn't always what we want.
Perfect example is that I (the bad, despicable Christian music pirate) found a concert that the Crabb Family is doing in Louisville on March 16th, and in turn, told all of my friends, family, and coworkers about. So far, we've got around 10 people going, and by the time March rolls around, we will have many, many more. Chances are that the folks that attend the concert (based on me "sharing" the news of the performance) will be compelled to donate in a "love offering" to the Crabb Family, and will more than likely give much more than that $15 CD would yield in profits.
You never know, I might even buy a CD after the March 16th concert. Or I might just continue rocking my pirated CD, knowing that in my heart, I did not download the music with an intent to hurt any member of the Crabb Family, nor their father, mother, wives, husbands, friends, and tour bus driver.
Is this lawsuit really simply a ruling that this country will penalize someone for wanting to hear a song for free? Is today's file sharing any different than taping a song off of the radio on an 80s boom box? Don't Christians complain that the government is taking God out of our country by removing the 10 Commandments from courthouses and outlawing prayer in schools? In my opinion, Christians that don't want people downloading their music are aiding this country in silencing the believers. People, wake up. Sharing the gospel shouldn't come with a cost associated.
(This blog is copyrighted and protected under the blog piracy ruling. Copying or sharing of this post will result in fines and/or prison time.) Just kidding...I had to throw that in there. Live and love, friends!
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
That's Just Jessie
Since Jessie is on me all of the time to update my blog, I'm going to dedicate this entire post to her. That's what you get for being so pushy ;)
My sweet cousin, Jessica Shay Smith, is a good girl. We've been close since the minute that she was born. She's always been full of energy and has been very strong. We used to fight all the time, in a loving way of course. However, it was so bad at one point, my Grandma Dee refused to take us anywhere together. My mom wrecked her car into the basketball pole in the Main Cross Church parking lot one time because she was turned around reaching into the backseat trying to break me and my girl up from an especially brutal scrap session. I ran her head into the wall when she wouldn't clean. She nearly broke my thumb slamming the phone on it, and I tried to shove her into the crisper drawer of the refrigerator.
Ahhhh, such good times. She moved away for college. I moved in with Robbie. I had a kid and I got married (in that order). She moved back to Indiana. She got married and had a kid (in that order). She got divorced. She started dating. I got divorced. I'm still waiting for that first date. ;)
We're probably closer now that we've ever been, which is hard to imagine since I've always considered her to be my sister more than cousin. Even with our special bond and similar upbringing, we couldn't be more opposite if we tried. I've put together a little comparison below, and I hope she embraces and celebrates our differences.
1.) She wants to get married and live the fairy tale life with picket fences, butterflies, and puppy dogs. Probably a farm with lots of flowers and plants that she can tend to when she passes time. She wants to make sun tea and fried chicken and deliver it in a perfectly coordinated picnic basket to her hard-working man on a tractor in a field, while her kids are perfectly content cross-stiching their monogram into their pillowcases, just like she taught them.
I don't want to get married again, and love being single. This is the best time of my life. I wouldn't change anything at this point, and I'm not looking to be tied down by another man, ever. (Keep in mind that this single difference between Jessie and I cause the most drama in our relationship.)
2.) She wants lots of additional kids, whether she gives birth or marries her dream man whose wife died and left him with 6 young'ns to raise. She is excellent with kids and sets up special "Cookie Baking Day" parties, she buys the coolest snacks, and all of the kids in the family want to always go to Jessie's house.
I love my two kids, but don't want anymore to raise. My tubes are tied and cut, and that will never change. My dream man doesn't want kids of his own or has kids in their twenties. I would prefer to end up with someone without little kids.
3.) Jessie is very domesticated. She loves to make things. She sews, paints, makes crafts, cooks, cleans, and makes a mean gingerbread house.
I'm not very crafty, but I can cook when I have to. I would prefer to pull pre-made food from the freezer and throw it in the oven for every meal.
4.) She is a homebody that enjoys hanging out at her house watching movies and making homemade popcorn and sweet tea. It doesn't bother her to never go out on the town. She is perfectly content never having a babysitter on the weekends. She likes to go to bed early (before 10), and readily offers to watch my kids when I want to go out.
I only stay home when I have my kids, and once Landon has some age on him, I'll probably be dragging them out all of the time, too. I love staying out late on my "no kids" weekends, and dragging myself home around 5 a.m. I can have parties at my house, but I usually convince everyone to go out when they assemble at my place. I love mixing and mingling, and could be on my death bed, and still go out. (FYI - Jessie reluctantly agreed to go out with my on New Year's Eve, but then made me take her home at 11 p.m. Of course, I headed back out after grabbing my karaoke player and some CDs.)
5.) Jessie is 5'2" and blonde.
I'm 5'10" and usually a brunette. (People say we look so much alike, and we find that so amusing. I call her my twin.)
Obviously, we have lots of differences, but we both love to laugh, tell stories, and sing. I always have a great time when I hang out with her, even when we don't go out. And if even if she won't admit it, I think she has a good time when I drag her out with me.
I would like her to be more willing to kiss random boys, and not always think about whether or not they would make a good mate prior to doing so. I would like her to show off her assets a little more since she is very buxom and built like a brickhouse. I would like her to throw away every furry and/or fleece vest that she owns. I would like her to not forget about herself as she takes care of everyone else around her. I would like her to live a little before she looks up and realizes that her life has passes her by.
I really just want her to always be happy and to always be my best friend.
I love you, Jessica! You complete me.
My sweet cousin, Jessica Shay Smith, is a good girl. We've been close since the minute that she was born. She's always been full of energy and has been very strong. We used to fight all the time, in a loving way of course. However, it was so bad at one point, my Grandma Dee refused to take us anywhere together. My mom wrecked her car into the basketball pole in the Main Cross Church parking lot one time because she was turned around reaching into the backseat trying to break me and my girl up from an especially brutal scrap session. I ran her head into the wall when she wouldn't clean. She nearly broke my thumb slamming the phone on it, and I tried to shove her into the crisper drawer of the refrigerator.
Ahhhh, such good times. She moved away for college. I moved in with Robbie. I had a kid and I got married (in that order). She moved back to Indiana. She got married and had a kid (in that order). She got divorced. She started dating. I got divorced. I'm still waiting for that first date. ;)
We're probably closer now that we've ever been, which is hard to imagine since I've always considered her to be my sister more than cousin. Even with our special bond and similar upbringing, we couldn't be more opposite if we tried. I've put together a little comparison below, and I hope she embraces and celebrates our differences.
1.) She wants to get married and live the fairy tale life with picket fences, butterflies, and puppy dogs. Probably a farm with lots of flowers and plants that she can tend to when she passes time. She wants to make sun tea and fried chicken and deliver it in a perfectly coordinated picnic basket to her hard-working man on a tractor in a field, while her kids are perfectly content cross-stiching their monogram into their pillowcases, just like she taught them.
I don't want to get married again, and love being single. This is the best time of my life. I wouldn't change anything at this point, and I'm not looking to be tied down by another man, ever. (Keep in mind that this single difference between Jessie and I cause the most drama in our relationship.)
2.) She wants lots of additional kids, whether she gives birth or marries her dream man whose wife died and left him with 6 young'ns to raise. She is excellent with kids and sets up special "Cookie Baking Day" parties, she buys the coolest snacks, and all of the kids in the family want to always go to Jessie's house.
I love my two kids, but don't want anymore to raise. My tubes are tied and cut, and that will never change. My dream man doesn't want kids of his own or has kids in their twenties. I would prefer to end up with someone without little kids.
3.) Jessie is very domesticated. She loves to make things. She sews, paints, makes crafts, cooks, cleans, and makes a mean gingerbread house.
I'm not very crafty, but I can cook when I have to. I would prefer to pull pre-made food from the freezer and throw it in the oven for every meal.
4.) She is a homebody that enjoys hanging out at her house watching movies and making homemade popcorn and sweet tea. It doesn't bother her to never go out on the town. She is perfectly content never having a babysitter on the weekends. She likes to go to bed early (before 10), and readily offers to watch my kids when I want to go out.
I only stay home when I have my kids, and once Landon has some age on him, I'll probably be dragging them out all of the time, too. I love staying out late on my "no kids" weekends, and dragging myself home around 5 a.m. I can have parties at my house, but I usually convince everyone to go out when they assemble at my place. I love mixing and mingling, and could be on my death bed, and still go out. (FYI - Jessie reluctantly agreed to go out with my on New Year's Eve, but then made me take her home at 11 p.m. Of course, I headed back out after grabbing my karaoke player and some CDs.)
5.) Jessie is 5'2" and blonde.
I'm 5'10" and usually a brunette. (People say we look so much alike, and we find that so amusing. I call her my twin.)
Obviously, we have lots of differences, but we both love to laugh, tell stories, and sing. I always have a great time when I hang out with her, even when we don't go out. And if even if she won't admit it, I think she has a good time when I drag her out with me.
I would like her to be more willing to kiss random boys, and not always think about whether or not they would make a good mate prior to doing so. I would like her to show off her assets a little more since she is very buxom and built like a brickhouse. I would like her to throw away every furry and/or fleece vest that she owns. I would like her to not forget about herself as she takes care of everyone else around her. I would like her to live a little before she looks up and realizes that her life has passes her by.
I really just want her to always be happy and to always be my best friend.
I love you, Jessica! You complete me.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Before and In Progress
We have a weekly newsletter at work, and they did an article on me and my Losers Club team. I'm happy with the changes that I've seen in my physical appearance over the past couple of years. The tummy tuck and breast reduction helped, but I have a long way to go. Below are my "Before" and "In Progress" pics. Please don't make fun of my body builder pose from the current pic.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Who I Am vs. Who I Want To Be
I had a revelation yesterday. In order to understand completely, I should probably fill you in on some background info first...
Since the big split in the Gaines household, I've actually found time for myself! This may seem very simple, but I had gone so long taking care of my husband, kids, stepson, and grandma-in-law (who lived with us) in addition to working a bazillion hours a week that I forgot to care of me. So for the past 8 months, I've enjoyed the fun stuff...my stuff...the things I wanted to do. My girls and I would spend every other weekend visiting some of the best hole-in-a-wall bars to sing, dance, socialize, and flirt. It was the life! I met a ton of great people and reconnected with a few old faces.
So, this weekend, Georgette and I took a road trip to Indy to catch a Hinder concert. It was amazing, and I realized that G cannot ever chew gum in a general admission/standing room only type of concert. That poor girl will never get that gum out of her hair...anyway...
This particular part of Indy is close to a few colleges, and there were clubs in every direction as far as you could see. After we rocked out, we decided to hit the club that T.C. (the bouncer that we shamelessly flirted with to get the best view of the concert) recommended. Peppers was a really cool place, and they were playing great dance music. G and I took a seat on a couch by the entrance to do our usual people-watching, and after a few minutes, we realized that average age of the club-goers was 21. We felt old. We decided to cut out early around 1 a.m., grabbed some late night fast food, and finally retired to our cheap hotel room to catch some z's. We drove home the next day, shopped at the outlet mall, worked out at the company gym, and planned on hitting the big city of Louisville that night. All was well. Before I left work, I needed to grab my laptop. I thought I would log in and catch up on my e-mails, and low and behold, I felt compelled to do this "personality" survey that Jessie had sent out.
The results were eye-opening. Go ahead and take a look, and then I will share my revelation.
Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com
Well, we all know that I am extroverted and dominating, so that's nothing new. But, I was shocked at all of the categories that I scored high in related to being "into myself". Am I really self absorbed and care only about my feelings and needs? Do I use my looks to get what I want? Is that really who I am or who I want to portray?
I recently had a person that I admire and trust more than most people in my life say three things to me (in three separate conversations)...
1.) You act younger than you are.
-and-
2.) You are too blunt, and should learn to be more subtle.
-and-
3.) People think you are so confident, but you really are unsure of yourself.
Those statements coupled with the results from my survey kicked me in to self-analysis overdrive. I decided that it was true that I was living a little too wildly and running too much. While I live for my kids, this whole equal time sharing crap with Rob isn't cutting it. I realized that maybe the reason that I am so anti-romantic could stem from the fact that I want to appear strong and fearless, but deep down I'm afraid of letting go and becoming emotionally attached to someone, only to have my feelings trampled on. Maybe the reason that I am attracted to younger men is because I don't really want someone who will hold me accountable for being an adult. Maybe the reason that I look for blue-collar guys is because I don't want to have to compete with someone who may be more intellectual than me. I might not want to be attached because I don't want to get hurt.
I decided that it is time for me to finally grow up. I still am holding steadfast that I never, ever want to get married again, but it probably is time to move into pursuing some healthier relationships with the opposite sex. I don't know...going on a date sounds nice. Carrying a "thinking" conversation with someone is a novel idea.
The weather is also an influence on this change of heart. During the summer, everybody is wild and crazy, and then when it gets colder, it feels good to stay in and cuddle with someone special. Dang the winter!!!
So, I decided to wear a "Soccer-Momesque" sweater and dress slacks out Saturday night, and I forced Georgette and Faith into going to the "Wrinkle Ranch" a.k.a. Jim Porter's to have some adult fun (minus the time spent shaking our butts on the dancefloor). I felt happy to have done some "grown-up" things on my no-kids weekend, but it is still a work in progress. Georgette has assured me that being an adult doesn't mean I have to lose my personality, humor, and goofiness. I might just have to be funny during a rowdy game of Scattegories or Trivial Pursuit rather than Strip Poker or Kings.
Now, I'm on a mission to fill my no-kids weekends with some adult-ish fun. I'm thinking blues bars or Salsa dancing. Maybe when Beth and Josh move back they will bring some social coordination to the church scene. As long as they don't throw "Couples Only" get-togethers, it's on like Donkey Kong.
I need to check with Georgette to see if I can still say "It's on like Donkey Kong" as an adult. I certainly hope so. It's a staple phrase in my vocabulary.
Since the big split in the Gaines household, I've actually found time for myself! This may seem very simple, but I had gone so long taking care of my husband, kids, stepson, and grandma-in-law (who lived with us) in addition to working a bazillion hours a week that I forgot to care of me. So for the past 8 months, I've enjoyed the fun stuff...my stuff...the things I wanted to do. My girls and I would spend every other weekend visiting some of the best hole-in-a-wall bars to sing, dance, socialize, and flirt. It was the life! I met a ton of great people and reconnected with a few old faces.
So, this weekend, Georgette and I took a road trip to Indy to catch a Hinder concert. It was amazing, and I realized that G cannot ever chew gum in a general admission/standing room only type of concert. That poor girl will never get that gum out of her hair...anyway...
This particular part of Indy is close to a few colleges, and there were clubs in every direction as far as you could see. After we rocked out, we decided to hit the club that T.C. (the bouncer that we shamelessly flirted with to get the best view of the concert) recommended. Peppers was a really cool place, and they were playing great dance music. G and I took a seat on a couch by the entrance to do our usual people-watching, and after a few minutes, we realized that average age of the club-goers was 21. We felt old. We decided to cut out early around 1 a.m., grabbed some late night fast food, and finally retired to our cheap hotel room to catch some z's. We drove home the next day, shopped at the outlet mall, worked out at the company gym, and planned on hitting the big city of Louisville that night. All was well. Before I left work, I needed to grab my laptop. I thought I would log in and catch up on my e-mails, and low and behold, I felt compelled to do this "personality" survey that Jessie had sent out.
The results were eye-opening. Go ahead and take a look, and then I will share my revelation.
Advanced Global Personality Test Results
|
personality tests by similarminds.com
Well, we all know that I am extroverted and dominating, so that's nothing new. But, I was shocked at all of the categories that I scored high in related to being "into myself". Am I really self absorbed and care only about my feelings and needs? Do I use my looks to get what I want? Is that really who I am or who I want to portray?
I recently had a person that I admire and trust more than most people in my life say three things to me (in three separate conversations)...
1.) You act younger than you are.
-and-
2.) You are too blunt, and should learn to be more subtle.
-and-
3.) People think you are so confident, but you really are unsure of yourself.
Those statements coupled with the results from my survey kicked me in to self-analysis overdrive. I decided that it was true that I was living a little too wildly and running too much. While I live for my kids, this whole equal time sharing crap with Rob isn't cutting it. I realized that maybe the reason that I am so anti-romantic could stem from the fact that I want to appear strong and fearless, but deep down I'm afraid of letting go and becoming emotionally attached to someone, only to have my feelings trampled on. Maybe the reason that I am attracted to younger men is because I don't really want someone who will hold me accountable for being an adult. Maybe the reason that I look for blue-collar guys is because I don't want to have to compete with someone who may be more intellectual than me. I might not want to be attached because I don't want to get hurt.
I decided that it is time for me to finally grow up. I still am holding steadfast that I never, ever want to get married again, but it probably is time to move into pursuing some healthier relationships with the opposite sex. I don't know...going on a date sounds nice. Carrying a "thinking" conversation with someone is a novel idea.
The weather is also an influence on this change of heart. During the summer, everybody is wild and crazy, and then when it gets colder, it feels good to stay in and cuddle with someone special. Dang the winter!!!
So, I decided to wear a "Soccer-Momesque" sweater and dress slacks out Saturday night, and I forced Georgette and Faith into going to the "Wrinkle Ranch" a.k.a. Jim Porter's to have some adult fun (minus the time spent shaking our butts on the dancefloor). I felt happy to have done some "grown-up" things on my no-kids weekend, but it is still a work in progress. Georgette has assured me that being an adult doesn't mean I have to lose my personality, humor, and goofiness. I might just have to be funny during a rowdy game of Scattegories or Trivial Pursuit rather than Strip Poker or Kings.
Now, I'm on a mission to fill my no-kids weekends with some adult-ish fun. I'm thinking blues bars or Salsa dancing. Maybe when Beth and Josh move back they will bring some social coordination to the church scene. As long as they don't throw "Couples Only" get-togethers, it's on like Donkey Kong.
I need to check with Georgette to see if I can still say "It's on like Donkey Kong" as an adult. I certainly hope so. It's a staple phrase in my vocabulary.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Pics From the Making Strides for Breast Cancer Research Walk
Below are some pictures from the Heartland Team that participated in the Making Strides for Breast Cancer Research 5K walk.
The Ride to the Walk
The Pre-Walk Smoke
The Heartland Team
Warming Up
Hoofing It...Power Walkers Unite!!!
The Recovery Period
It was a great time! I would encourage everyone to join in next year, even if you aren't a Heartlander...
The Ride to the Walk
The Pre-Walk Smoke
The Heartland Team
Warming Up
Hoofing It...Power Walkers Unite!!!
The Recovery Period
It was a great time! I would encourage everyone to join in next year, even if you aren't a Heartlander...
Monday, October 23, 2006
Weigh Cool
I'm glad that my blog has done some good in the world. I want to give a shot out to my friend, Beth, who is joining the body sculpting challenge. Once she is in the great Hoosier state, I will have a new workout buddy. I can't wait!
I participated in the 5K Breast Cancer walk yesterday, and it was so much fun! I didn't even feel like it was exercise. Special thanks to Kat, David, Eddy, Corrie, Jessica, Bob, Teddie, Georgette, Heather, J Dub and kids, Erik and wife, Maria and kids, Alex, Angie, KeeKee and Tarayah for joining me. I'm convinced that by next year I'll be able to run it with 1 year of dedicated exercising under my belt. I'll let you know how that goes.
I'll get some pics from work and post them.
I participated in the 5K Breast Cancer walk yesterday, and it was so much fun! I didn't even feel like it was exercise. Special thanks to Kat, David, Eddy, Corrie, Jessica, Bob, Teddie, Georgette, Heather, J Dub and kids, Erik and wife, Maria and kids, Alex, Angie, KeeKee and Tarayah for joining me. I'm convinced that by next year I'll be able to run it with 1 year of dedicated exercising under my belt. I'll let you know how that goes.
I'll get some pics from work and post them.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Mission Possible
I work at a fantastic company, Heartland Payment Systems. Our CEO has created a "Fitness Club" for all interested employees which consists of free salads daily for lunch, aerobics classes (my fav is Hip-Hopercize by Tanika of TNT Fitness), and a state of the art fitness center packed full of the newest and best weight training equipment, as well as a Playroom for the times that you have to bring the kiddos along to your workout sessions. We are tracking our weight loss, and at the end of the 20+ week contest, members of the club have a chance to win either an all expenses paid vacation to Hawaii, tickets and a trip to the Superbowl, or a $5000 gift card for a new wardrobe. Our company is very good to their employees.
The days of making excuses are over. It is time to lose weight, get fit, stay lean, and live longer. One of my coworkers, Teddie, has convinced me (somehow) to meet him at the gym at 5:30 a.m. tomorrow morning to workout before we have to report to work at 8. I'm not sure how he talked me into participating in this early morning torture session, but I've committed to being there. Thanks to Corrie, who selected the equipment, I will be utilizing muscles tomorrow that I didn't even realize I had. I'm hopeful that this time around, my body will not go into such shock, and I won't feel quite such a burn for the next few days. Please don't make me relive the left calf incident from last week. I hobbled around for days until finally, my leg didn't feel like a "Charlie Horse" was coming on.
When the exercise starts paying off, I'll be sure to post some "After" pics. There is a skinny girl instead just dying to get out and strut her stuff.
The days of making excuses are over. It is time to lose weight, get fit, stay lean, and live longer. One of my coworkers, Teddie, has convinced me (somehow) to meet him at the gym at 5:30 a.m. tomorrow morning to workout before we have to report to work at 8. I'm not sure how he talked me into participating in this early morning torture session, but I've committed to being there. Thanks to Corrie, who selected the equipment, I will be utilizing muscles tomorrow that I didn't even realize I had. I'm hopeful that this time around, my body will not go into such shock, and I won't feel quite such a burn for the next few days. Please don't make me relive the left calf incident from last week. I hobbled around for days until finally, my leg didn't feel like a "Charlie Horse" was coming on.
When the exercise starts paying off, I'll be sure to post some "After" pics. There is a skinny girl instead just dying to get out and strut her stuff.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Pics of the offspring
I've been asked by my lovely grandmother, Dee Haymaker, to add some pictures of my children. Fine...here you go. Enjoy!
Landon: The Early Months
Landon: Now at 18 months
Lauren: The Early Years
Landon: The Early MonthsLandon: Now at 18 monthsLauren: The Early Years
I'm Not Mean, You're Just Stupid
Back by popular demand, it's me, Cara G. It's pronounced 'care-uh'. Don't even come at me with 'car-uh' or I'll smack you right through your face. No, just kidding. Or maybe not. It's really a tough call with me sometimes, and I recognize that I am a meanie.
I am on a mission to be nicer. Vanilla Nice-that's my rap name. No, really...I have realized that I am a great big ball of fire, and I'm good with that. My moods swing like the rope (not the pole) that Georgette hurt herself on. Maybe it's the stress (see previous post) or maybe it's just that in my older age, I'm growing more and more weary in dealing with petty issues. Come on, we're all adults here. Let's face the facts that there are just some really stupid people in the world.
Okay, I feel much better now. On to more interesting topics...like the "Cara Fever".
I don't want to reveal too much about this serious affliction, but let me tell you brothers and sisters, it is real. I think it's my innate ability to remain aloof and emotionally unattached. I can get the boys to come a'runnin'. It's insane! Maybe it's because I joke and make 'em laugh and make them feel so good about themselves, and then I just get up and walk away to talk to someone else more interesting. I don't know. It must be a challenge to see if they can actually snag me. Sometimes I tease and hold my arms out in front of me, moving them up and down, saying "I am the Puppet Master", but sometimes I wonder if I really am. It's too bad most lie about having girlfriends (or worse...wives), but either way, I am so not looking to date. I'm fresh out of a 7 year relationship, and I sure don't want another headache. I'm very content just being single, happy, free, and independent. If you ever hear about the "Cara Fever", just know that sometimes it lays dormant, but it always results in periodic outbreaks, and there is no cure.
I love being me ;)
I am on a mission to be nicer. Vanilla Nice-that's my rap name. No, really...I have realized that I am a great big ball of fire, and I'm good with that. My moods swing like the rope (not the pole) that Georgette hurt herself on. Maybe it's the stress (see previous post) or maybe it's just that in my older age, I'm growing more and more weary in dealing with petty issues. Come on, we're all adults here. Let's face the facts that there are just some really stupid people in the world.
Okay, I feel much better now. On to more interesting topics...like the "Cara Fever".
I don't want to reveal too much about this serious affliction, but let me tell you brothers and sisters, it is real. I think it's my innate ability to remain aloof and emotionally unattached. I can get the boys to come a'runnin'. It's insane! Maybe it's because I joke and make 'em laugh and make them feel so good about themselves, and then I just get up and walk away to talk to someone else more interesting. I don't know. It must be a challenge to see if they can actually snag me. Sometimes I tease and hold my arms out in front of me, moving them up and down, saying "I am the Puppet Master", but sometimes I wonder if I really am. It's too bad most lie about having girlfriends (or worse...wives), but either way, I am so not looking to date. I'm fresh out of a 7 year relationship, and I sure don't want another headache. I'm very content just being single, happy, free, and independent. If you ever hear about the "Cara Fever", just know that sometimes it lays dormant, but it always results in periodic outbreaks, and there is no cure.
I love being me ;)
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Eat That Frog
Alrighty, folks. What are we up to? Post #3? After a 12-hour day at work, I would like to focus today on time management (or my lack thereof).
Ever feel like you are going a bazillion miles a minute? Ever feel like you have been thrown in deep water without a second to swim up to the surface to take a quick breath? Ever want to just throw your hands up and say "I GIVE UP!!!"? Well, friends, I hear ya!
I've had a busy past couple of days at work, well, actually a busy past couple of years. My job is fantastic, and I love the work I do, where I work, and who I work with. I don't think I'm so naive to say that I'm a lifer, but I certainly see myself at Heartland for the next 10 years or so. I look forward to getting up and heading to work. My team is absolutely amazing, and I am so proud that I am associated with such fine folks. I think it's probably rare to find people at my age who enjoy their careers as much as I do.
By the time I'm home from work, I barely have enough time to cook dinner/eat, help Lauren with homework, bathe the kids, and put them to bed. It's amazing how I find time to post on here, check my MySpace, send a few hotboxes on LouMojo, check my personal e-mail, check my work e-mail, and send text messages. I avoid Yahoo Messenger like the plague, because it seems to suck up all of my free time when I do login. Gosh, I wish I wasn't so popular. ;)
I read a book a few months back regarding time management called, "Eat That Frog". The premise of the book was that we are faced with a bunch of ugly frogs every day. Some small, some huge. It's best just to tackle the biggest frog, and get that one out of the way, and then focus of the little stuff. E-mail is probably my biggest time drain at work. I get approximately 250 e-mails/day, and most of them require research or some gifted, inspired, politically correct response. I wish I didn't have to spend so much time sugar coating and making recipients feel warm and fuzzy, but that's the name of the game sometimes. Today, I stayed late just to put a dent in my e-mails, but I didn't even get half of what I wanted to get accomplished.
Rob (the soon to be ex-husband) always said that work was my life. I was quick to correct him that in reality, my kids were my life, and work was just a way to buy them all of the things I wanted them to have. He always was a tightwad. My career was a contributing factor to the demise of my marriage, but not in a negative way as you might have suspected. By growing in my career at HPS, I was able to become self-sufficient. I can now provide for my kids on my own, while still maintaining a very comfortable lifestyle without a second income.
So, thank you to HPS for paying me, and thank you to me for working my butt off. And thank you to all of the readers who have just read my never ending ramblings. And thank you to Chinatown Buffet for this wonderful chicken fried rice I have consumed while writing this post. Now, where is that fortune cookie?
Peace and love.
Ever feel like you are going a bazillion miles a minute? Ever feel like you have been thrown in deep water without a second to swim up to the surface to take a quick breath? Ever want to just throw your hands up and say "I GIVE UP!!!"? Well, friends, I hear ya!
I've had a busy past couple of days at work, well, actually a busy past couple of years. My job is fantastic, and I love the work I do, where I work, and who I work with. I don't think I'm so naive to say that I'm a lifer, but I certainly see myself at Heartland for the next 10 years or so. I look forward to getting up and heading to work. My team is absolutely amazing, and I am so proud that I am associated with such fine folks. I think it's probably rare to find people at my age who enjoy their careers as much as I do.
By the time I'm home from work, I barely have enough time to cook dinner/eat, help Lauren with homework, bathe the kids, and put them to bed. It's amazing how I find time to post on here, check my MySpace, send a few hotboxes on LouMojo, check my personal e-mail, check my work e-mail, and send text messages. I avoid Yahoo Messenger like the plague, because it seems to suck up all of my free time when I do login. Gosh, I wish I wasn't so popular. ;)
I read a book a few months back regarding time management called, "Eat That Frog". The premise of the book was that we are faced with a bunch of ugly frogs every day. Some small, some huge. It's best just to tackle the biggest frog, and get that one out of the way, and then focus of the little stuff. E-mail is probably my biggest time drain at work. I get approximately 250 e-mails/day, and most of them require research or some gifted, inspired, politically correct response. I wish I didn't have to spend so much time sugar coating and making recipients feel warm and fuzzy, but that's the name of the game sometimes. Today, I stayed late just to put a dent in my e-mails, but I didn't even get half of what I wanted to get accomplished.
Rob (the soon to be ex-husband) always said that work was my life. I was quick to correct him that in reality, my kids were my life, and work was just a way to buy them all of the things I wanted them to have. He always was a tightwad. My career was a contributing factor to the demise of my marriage, but not in a negative way as you might have suspected. By growing in my career at HPS, I was able to become self-sufficient. I can now provide for my kids on my own, while still maintaining a very comfortable lifestyle without a second income.
So, thank you to HPS for paying me, and thank you to me for working my butt off. And thank you to all of the readers who have just read my never ending ramblings. And thank you to Chinatown Buffet for this wonderful chicken fried rice I have consumed while writing this post. Now, where is that fortune cookie?
Peace and love.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Church Observations
Please let me preface this blog by saying that I hope to not offend by the following thoughts, but I felt compelled to capture this and hopefully let my readers see things from a different perspective than they may be used to.
Girls and boys, I want to talk about church in today's blog. I've recently returned to attending church after a long hiatus. I was raised in church, and stayed in church until I moved out of my parents’ home as a teenager. I left church for many reasons, and don't so much feel like getting into that stuff today, but I do want to review a few of the observations since I've returned.
People love to talk about the good stuff. I often hear testimonies about miracles that God has done through healing, returning good medical test results, and making bad situations better. I think we should all realize that God isn't a genie granting wishes. You should still testify and believe even when that sickness lingers and when the test results that come back are discouraging. When that kid of yours is still out living the wild life and isn't listening to your direction as a parent, you should still be willing to testify that even though things are rough, you still believe there is hope. If we all focus of the good stuff, when bad stuff comes along (and it definitely will), we won't know what to do. Life sucks sometimes. That's the reality. To me, the true test of a Christian is how they handle the bad stuff.
Everyone's not happy. I cringe when people want to voice how great their life is in church. I think we should all realize that we have people in our church going through some really hard times. We should all be sensitive to the trials that our members and visitors are facing. Of course, everyone will clap when you want to praise your life and the blissfulness that you feel, because we're genuinely happy for you, but it's also easy to get down on your own situation when it looks like everyone around you is living a perfect life and having such an easy time with things. For example...I'm happy that your son was accepted to Yale. However, the lady next to me has a kid that just dropped out of high school. I am happy that your marriage is fantastic and your husband is your hero. However, me and the guy in the pew in front of me are both going through nasty divorces. I'm happy to hear that you got the biggest promotion of your career, but the gentleman 3 rows over is struggling to find a job to feed his kids and provide medical insurance for his family. I'm not saying that we should never speak of good things, but we should all be cognizant that people around us are hurting.
Sometimes the best presenters aren't professionals. I love nothing more than to see a person who doesn't claim to be a "singer" get up and belt out a tune that is coming from their heart, even though they may hit a sour note from time to time. Some of my best memories of singers at church include Bill Nichols and Peg Burden getting up and singing the Lighthouse song a cappella. I can see clearly the vision of Peg with that gorgeous, beaming smile (even as she sang) with Bill looking up as if to sing directly to God. They meant every word that came out of their mouths, and everyone in the building could feel it. Whew, I get goose bumps just recalling that memory. I love when Leigh Ann King testifies. She isn't boastful, and is very nervous, but every word that she says comes from her heart, and you can tell that if she didn't get up and speak, she would just explode. I can remember testimonies that my own grandfather, Lawrence Haymaker, would deliver. Even as a kid, I recognized that he wasn't a man of many words, so when he stood in church to say something, a hush would fall over the crowd to hear what this quiet man had to say. His words were impactful and again, heartfelt. These are the memories that made an impression on me.
I miss those days. Our church had a very humble beginning in a machine shop. We would get there early to roll out the carpet that covered the oil stained, concrete floor and setup folding chairs in rows. And likewise, at the end of each service we would all fold up the chairs and roll up the carpet so that the next morning, the machine shop could resume business as usual. What happened between those two events can never be recreated. The few members in the early days are still considered as the prayer warriors of the new church. As the church grows and the fancy buildings are constructed, we shouldn't ever lose sight of the original vision. Truth, Sincerity, Belief, Values, Honesty, Caring, Encouragement, Strength...these are the key words that I learned which served as my life lessons during the early days of the church. I am very blessed to have been raised up in that environment and having made the lasting relationships with church folk that feel more like family to me. I miss those days.
Girls and boys, I want to talk about church in today's blog. I've recently returned to attending church after a long hiatus. I was raised in church, and stayed in church until I moved out of my parents’ home as a teenager. I left church for many reasons, and don't so much feel like getting into that stuff today, but I do want to review a few of the observations since I've returned.
People love to talk about the good stuff. I often hear testimonies about miracles that God has done through healing, returning good medical test results, and making bad situations better. I think we should all realize that God isn't a genie granting wishes. You should still testify and believe even when that sickness lingers and when the test results that come back are discouraging. When that kid of yours is still out living the wild life and isn't listening to your direction as a parent, you should still be willing to testify that even though things are rough, you still believe there is hope. If we all focus of the good stuff, when bad stuff comes along (and it definitely will), we won't know what to do. Life sucks sometimes. That's the reality. To me, the true test of a Christian is how they handle the bad stuff.
Everyone's not happy. I cringe when people want to voice how great their life is in church. I think we should all realize that we have people in our church going through some really hard times. We should all be sensitive to the trials that our members and visitors are facing. Of course, everyone will clap when you want to praise your life and the blissfulness that you feel, because we're genuinely happy for you, but it's also easy to get down on your own situation when it looks like everyone around you is living a perfect life and having such an easy time with things. For example...I'm happy that your son was accepted to Yale. However, the lady next to me has a kid that just dropped out of high school. I am happy that your marriage is fantastic and your husband is your hero. However, me and the guy in the pew in front of me are both going through nasty divorces. I'm happy to hear that you got the biggest promotion of your career, but the gentleman 3 rows over is struggling to find a job to feed his kids and provide medical insurance for his family. I'm not saying that we should never speak of good things, but we should all be cognizant that people around us are hurting.
Sometimes the best presenters aren't professionals. I love nothing more than to see a person who doesn't claim to be a "singer" get up and belt out a tune that is coming from their heart, even though they may hit a sour note from time to time. Some of my best memories of singers at church include Bill Nichols and Peg Burden getting up and singing the Lighthouse song a cappella. I can see clearly the vision of Peg with that gorgeous, beaming smile (even as she sang) with Bill looking up as if to sing directly to God. They meant every word that came out of their mouths, and everyone in the building could feel it. Whew, I get goose bumps just recalling that memory. I love when Leigh Ann King testifies. She isn't boastful, and is very nervous, but every word that she says comes from her heart, and you can tell that if she didn't get up and speak, she would just explode. I can remember testimonies that my own grandfather, Lawrence Haymaker, would deliver. Even as a kid, I recognized that he wasn't a man of many words, so when he stood in church to say something, a hush would fall over the crowd to hear what this quiet man had to say. His words were impactful and again, heartfelt. These are the memories that made an impression on me.
I miss those days. Our church had a very humble beginning in a machine shop. We would get there early to roll out the carpet that covered the oil stained, concrete floor and setup folding chairs in rows. And likewise, at the end of each service we would all fold up the chairs and roll up the carpet so that the next morning, the machine shop could resume business as usual. What happened between those two events can never be recreated. The few members in the early days are still considered as the prayer warriors of the new church. As the church grows and the fancy buildings are constructed, we shouldn't ever lose sight of the original vision. Truth, Sincerity, Belief, Values, Honesty, Caring, Encouragement, Strength...these are the key words that I learned which served as my life lessons during the early days of the church. I am very blessed to have been raised up in that environment and having made the lasting relationships with church folk that feel more like family to me. I miss those days.
Monday, October 02, 2006
Sunday, October 01, 2006
How cute! It's a brand spankin' new blog...
Howdy, all! I've noticed recently that all of the "cool" people are creating and maintaining blogs (namely Beth Spencer who is the most awesome person I've ever met {next to Jessie Smith who is automatically the coolest person I'm related to because she is so much like me, just a little nicer}). I'm definitely not one to allow my personal level of coolness to drop, so I'm joining the blog revolution. My life isn't extremely interesting, and I don't have a cause that I am fighting for, but I do love having an audience. I wouldn't say I'm shallow or attention-craved. I'm just extremely extroverted, and get completely energized interacting with other people.
For those of you that may be reading this and asking yourself, "Who in the world is this blogger?", please allow me to provide a little insight into where I am right now in my life.
I'm in the process of going through a divorce. Before you even start in about the sanctity of marriage and how I am a horrible person for leaving my husband, let me assure you that I honestly could not care less about what you think. Trust me, I have Deola as a grandmother. She doesn't sugar coat, and I've been beaten up enough about it over the past few months. I'm sorry if I am a disappointment to those that believe you should stay in a marriage, no matter what trials and tribulations may come. I'm a quitter. I recognize that. I own it. I embrace it. I celebrate it. I'm just not marriage material. I absolutely hate having to ask for permission and I don't like making decisions as a team. I don't need another Daddy, and I don't need anybody to help me make my dreams a reality. You may think I sound like a whinny, selfish brat. If so this is for you..."I'm rubber, you're glue. Whatever you think bounces off of me and sticks to you." HA! There...take that! Okay, so enough of the defensive divorcee babble for now.
My two amazingly brilliant children are Landon-18 months and Lauren-5. Lauren is Cara Jr. She is sassy, independent, strong-willed, and stubborn and doesn't let "No" stop her from getting what she wants. She's a little more sensitive than I am, but I blame that on her age. She never meets a stranger. Lauren brings so much joy into my life, and I really feel like her friend in addition to being her mother. I bought her a set of SpongeBob "Best Friends" bracelets for her birthday, and told her she could take one to school and give it to her best friend. She said that she wanted me to have it, since I was her best friend. If I were more girly, I would have cried. Instead I threw the pink bracelet on my wrist and wore it proudly with my suit to work. In 10 years, when we are fighting about her trying to date or stay out past curfew, I'll put that bracelet on to remember that at one time in our lives together, she actually considered me to be her best friend.
On the other end of the spectrum is my boy. Landon is needy, clingy, and shy. His personality is the complete opposite of mine. He refuses to go to Nursery Church every Sunday morning since I'm not there. What can I say? He loves me more than anyone else, and I like that. I never could see myself with a son before he came along, but now that I have him, I can't see myself without him. Lauren and I are very close, but there is just something special about a Mother/Son relationship. He definitely is a Momma's Boy. I hope that some of the clinginess will fade a bit as he gets older, but over the past year and a half, I haven't seen much relief in sight. Feel free to pass along any tips if you've experienced this situation with your kids.
For the first time in my short 27 years, I am living on my own. I know...it's pathetic. I never realized that I had taken so many little things for advantage living with my husband for the past 7 years. I have been faced with killing spiders and adjusting water heater temperatures. I've unclogged drains and used a cordless drill. I hooked up the PlayStation 2 and hung a shelf. I configured and secured my wireless router. Heck, I even broke into the bathroom when Lauren and Landon accidentally locked us out of it. Being on my own is scary and exciting, all at the same time. I've mastered renting an apartment, so the next challenge is finding, buying, and moving into a house. A house! A real house! A house that is all mine! My next big goal is buying a house within the next 6-12 months. I would love to stay within the Utica Elementary School district, because Lauren is just doing so great there, but I don't know that I really want to stay in Jeff. This is a work in progress, and I'll keep you updated on any developments in this area.
Okay, so now I'm boring myself. I think I've typed enough to help you understand what I'm thinking right now. Thanks for sharing my first blog. I sure hope you will come back for more.
For those of you that may be reading this and asking yourself, "Who in the world is this blogger?", please allow me to provide a little insight into where I am right now in my life.
I'm in the process of going through a divorce. Before you even start in about the sanctity of marriage and how I am a horrible person for leaving my husband, let me assure you that I honestly could not care less about what you think. Trust me, I have Deola as a grandmother. She doesn't sugar coat, and I've been beaten up enough about it over the past few months. I'm sorry if I am a disappointment to those that believe you should stay in a marriage, no matter what trials and tribulations may come. I'm a quitter. I recognize that. I own it. I embrace it. I celebrate it. I'm just not marriage material. I absolutely hate having to ask for permission and I don't like making decisions as a team. I don't need another Daddy, and I don't need anybody to help me make my dreams a reality. You may think I sound like a whinny, selfish brat. If so this is for you..."I'm rubber, you're glue. Whatever you think bounces off of me and sticks to you." HA! There...take that! Okay, so enough of the defensive divorcee babble for now.
My two amazingly brilliant children are Landon-18 months and Lauren-5. Lauren is Cara Jr. She is sassy, independent, strong-willed, and stubborn and doesn't let "No" stop her from getting what she wants. She's a little more sensitive than I am, but I blame that on her age. She never meets a stranger. Lauren brings so much joy into my life, and I really feel like her friend in addition to being her mother. I bought her a set of SpongeBob "Best Friends" bracelets for her birthday, and told her she could take one to school and give it to her best friend. She said that she wanted me to have it, since I was her best friend. If I were more girly, I would have cried. Instead I threw the pink bracelet on my wrist and wore it proudly with my suit to work. In 10 years, when we are fighting about her trying to date or stay out past curfew, I'll put that bracelet on to remember that at one time in our lives together, she actually considered me to be her best friend.
On the other end of the spectrum is my boy. Landon is needy, clingy, and shy. His personality is the complete opposite of mine. He refuses to go to Nursery Church every Sunday morning since I'm not there. What can I say? He loves me more than anyone else, and I like that. I never could see myself with a son before he came along, but now that I have him, I can't see myself without him. Lauren and I are very close, but there is just something special about a Mother/Son relationship. He definitely is a Momma's Boy. I hope that some of the clinginess will fade a bit as he gets older, but over the past year and a half, I haven't seen much relief in sight. Feel free to pass along any tips if you've experienced this situation with your kids.
For the first time in my short 27 years, I am living on my own. I know...it's pathetic. I never realized that I had taken so many little things for advantage living with my husband for the past 7 years. I have been faced with killing spiders and adjusting water heater temperatures. I've unclogged drains and used a cordless drill. I hooked up the PlayStation 2 and hung a shelf. I configured and secured my wireless router. Heck, I even broke into the bathroom when Lauren and Landon accidentally locked us out of it. Being on my own is scary and exciting, all at the same time. I've mastered renting an apartment, so the next challenge is finding, buying, and moving into a house. A house! A real house! A house that is all mine! My next big goal is buying a house within the next 6-12 months. I would love to stay within the Utica Elementary School district, because Lauren is just doing so great there, but I don't know that I really want to stay in Jeff. This is a work in progress, and I'll keep you updated on any developments in this area.
Okay, so now I'm boring myself. I think I've typed enough to help you understand what I'm thinking right now. Thanks for sharing my first blog. I sure hope you will come back for more.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
